Christmas: It’s a shotgun wrapped in a jaunty bow, ready to blast you in the face; a coiled cobra lurking at the bottom of a gift bag. Indeed, there are deadly dangers lurking in every Yuletide nook and cranny—-red-nosed rummies driving through the snow, toxic and Chinese-y toys waiting to leaden little blood streams (and apparently ravenous tigers ready to lunch upon them at the slightest provocation), hot buttered in-laws expressing their political, ahem, “opinions” (if I’m forced to endure one more drunken tirade on Ron fucking Paul or whomever, I’m climbing the water tower, I promise you).
But none of these holiday horrors can hold an Xmess candle to the evil that is “High School the Musical”, specifically the so-called “Sing It!” karaoke edition game for the Nintendo Wii. I saw this in the store, and cracked the deuce up.
And the dangers of HSM are not merely limited to the obvious peril inherent in arrogant WASP-ish mall-rats with devastating eyebrows singing and dancing and being douche-baggy in that singular Disney way. There are hidden perils, far more insidious than you might imagine, but you have to look closely to find them. And if you do look closely, what you will find is this, in really small print, in a corner on the back of the box…
WARNING! If you have a history of epilepsy or seizures, consult a doctor before use. Certain patterns may trigger seizures with no prior history.
Epileptic seizures? Just what I wanted!
Oh, Santa. How DO you avoid massive lawsuits?
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