Madonna - “Hard Candy” Review

I just listened to the whole Madonna CD, and here is my 2-cents:

First off, Madonna, I love you… a lot, but I just can’t get over the way you use the simplest words in your lyrics. You rhyme here with clear, and repeat stealin’ and feelin’ like you’re a Duff sister. I mean, you must have other people write your interviews when your on TV because it sounds like you take classes with the classiest of Brits (I know, you’re welcome, I referred to you as a Brit.) AND, didn’t Nelly Furtado make this CD with Justin Timberlake and Timbaland  last year? Oh… and that’s a whole other can-of-worms, Timbaland. How many more hand claps and whistles can I take before I turn into 14 year-old girl with acne and an eating problem. While we’re on the subject of Producians (Producers turned wanna-be musicians) Pharrell your cute and talented and all, but the whiney refrains you decide to throw in sound like your trying to pass a kidney stone.

OK, now let’s get to the songs. We have all heard 4-Minutes, which I will admit, I sorta love, especially because I am constantly reminded how long I have to listen to it, and 4-minutes is just about the point when I wanna turn it off, so touché on that one. Next, “She’s Not Me” is a simple little ditty about some chick who isn’t Madonna and she never will be, well… um, no shizza Madonna, you’re a billion-dollar industry, so I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Now “Heartbeat” and “Miles Away” are Kylie Minogue rip offs, I guess she is hoping main stream America, who is not to hip on the Minogue-train won’t notice. However, the fun up-tempo tracks “Dance 2Night” with Justin Timberlake (yet again) is quite fun, and “Beat Goes On” with Kanye West (MP3) is a nice little summer song that I know is going to gyrate from all those black Honda Civics rolling down any mid-town main drag street late every Saturday in a few weeks. BUT, the most clever and snazzy song on the upcoming HARD CANDY has got to be “Spanish Lesson”, where Madonna teaches us all the common Spanish sayings we need to know in order to make it in a hip-hop salsa club. My favorite is when she says “If you do your homework, maybe I will give you more, when you do your homework, get up on the dance floor” wha?!! Apparently, I didn’t do my homework, because that doesn’t make sense to me. I think those tight corsets and beige stirrups you have been wearing lately are holding in all that crazy juice. Let it out! Overall, the CD isn’t bad, but iTunes should find a way to make red wine downloadable as well, it would make a better pairing.

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