A little fun for the weekend. (Music: Gnarles Barkley “Run”)

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Well, I have an inside scoop on all the ABC shows reurning, and not returning after the strike….soooo here is what I know.

Dirty Sexy Money, Private Practice & Pushing Daisies will NOT be back this spring… new episodes for these programs will be ready for the fall.

As for the rest of their shows:

New Episodes for Spring 2008

According to Jim – 18 (ugh, boring)
Boston Legal – 6
Brothers & Sisters – 4
Desperate Housewives – 7
Grey’s Anatomy – 5
Lost – 5 (ONLY 5!!!???)
Men In Trees – 10 (who watches this?)
Samantha Who – 6
Ugly Betty – 5

Prime schedule by day:

Mondays
7 – 8:30P Dancing with the Stars (3/17/08)
8:30 – 9P Samantha Who (3/31/08 )
9 – 10P Bachelor (3/17/08 Premiere – 5/12/08 Finale)
**Bachelorette (5/19/08 Premiere following Dancing w/ Stars Finale)

Tuesdays
7 – 8P According to Jim (2 30 min episodes back to back)
8 – 9P Dancing w/ Stars Results (3/25/08)
9 – 10P Boston Legal (4/8/08)

Wednesdays
7 – 8P Wife Swap
8 – 9P Supernanny
9 – 10P Men in Trees (2/27/08)

Thursdays
7 – 8P Lost Encore
8 – 9P Lost (3/13/08 last new episode before moving to new time period)
9 – 10P Eli Stone

**Ugly Betty will return to 7-8p time period probably in late April to air 5 new episodes through May Sweep – no return/finale dates estimated yet

**News Magazine (no show description) will probably fill 8-9P time period between end of Lost new episodes & beginning of Grey’s

**Grey’s Anatomy will return to 8-9P time period probably in late April to air 5 new episodes through May Sweeps – no return/finale dates estimated yet

**Lost will move to 9-10P time period in April to air 6 (5 + 1 saved from previous 8 already filmed) new episodes through May Sweeps – no return/finale dates estimate yet

Fridays
7 – 8P Grey’s Anatomy Repeats
8 – 9P Desperate Housewives Repeats
9 – 10P 20/20

Saturdays
7 – 10P Movie

Sundays
6 – 7P America’s Funniest Home Videos
7 – 8P Extreme Makeover: Home
8 – 9P Oprah’s Big Give (3/2/08)
9 – 10P Here Come the Newlyweds (3/2/08 Premiere)

**Desperate Housewives may return on 4/13/08 with new episodes in 9-10P time period, and then move to 8-9P time period on 4/20, with possible 2 hr finale on 5/18/08.

**Brothers & Sisters may return to 9 – 10P time period on 4/20/08 with new episodes, with finale on 5/11/08.

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In this dramedy, a professor becomes a bitter eccentric after the death of his longtime wife. After falling for a former student, he is then able to reconnect with the outside world. Sarah Jessica Parker, Dennis Quaid, Ellen Page, Thomas Haden Church and Rachel Weisz star.

Dennis Quaid plays the leading role (who actually looks quite good) BUT, Do I really have to sit through another movie and watch Ellen Page blurt out stupid one liners in her crass, I sound like Dharia that cartoon girl from MTV, voice?! We get it Ellen, your quirky. We get it Ellen, your a rebel. We get it Ellen, you like indie-rock.

Geez. Don’t even get me started on Thomas Hayden Church.

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Never has speaking about yourself in the 3rd sounded so sweet. I’m gonna miss Lyric. I hope now that she has pop’d off the Bad Girls Club she has plenty of time to watch Tyra. And does this solidify Tyra as the Oprah of the next gen? I think it might. Afraid for the future.

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Holy Silly-string…. The Mama Mia trailer is up. Not only am I a weird fan of Abba (and the A*Teens) but I am also a big fan of this show, AND OF MERYL STREEP! Yeap, Meryl Streep is Donna (The Mom) in the Theatrical Release of “Mama Mia” along with Colin Firth, Pierce Brosnan, Christine Baranski, and everyone’s favorite “Mean Girl” and star of the film Amanda Seyfried. (”Gretchen, I’m sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles, and I’m sorry for telling everyone, And I’m sorry for repeating it just now. “) Here is the trailer..enjoy.

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Holy Shiz Balls Jordan Knight, there are two news songs mixed together on the new teaser site for New Kids On The Block! Nearly 14 years after breaking up, the ’90s boy band New Kids On The Block are back with a new ballad on their official Web site.
(AND I am convinced another song that comes in at the end….) The ballad (its name isn’t revealed) plays over a promotional video for the band that says the Kids once had it all – a $1 billion in album sales, millions of fans, with music that “influenced a generation” – but then “walked away from it all.” The video next teases the a comeback, asking: “Are you ready?” The song, a source says, was recorded by all five Kids last November in Orlando.

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OK, so one of the most AMAZING CD’s of 2008 is Leona Lewis’s Debut Album “Spirit”, I want to actually point out that the CD was out last year, but this year is when it’s gonna BLOW UP. Her first Single, “Bleeding Love” is one of my favorite debuts singles since “Since You’ve Been Gone”, I guess it goes to show those people at Idol can really pick ‘em. Now, I know wha tyour saying, get to the frickin’ point Ryan. WELL the point is, when “Bleeding Love” came out in the UK, the video that followed was AMAZING….Absolutely, unremarkabley amazing.

Now, I guess the people over at J Records (her label), decided that she needed another video for her US release. Which, let me point out, is one of the most cookie-cutter, over done, breakup song-video’s I have ever seen. You go from something as remarkable as three different women in the same apartment complex all in desperate heart-wrenching situations, some on the brink of suicide, with amazing acting chops, and editing that I havn’t seen since an old school Michael Jackson video, to THIS.

I’m sorry Leona, not only for the fact that your record label is too busy remaking your flawless videos into piles of dog dung, but the also for the fact that they can’t even find the time to put up a bio or any information about you on their Company Website. (Linked Here)

Here are the two videos to compare.

ORIGINAL VIDEO (UK)

US VERSION

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Out of all the Britney dolls available in Southern California;

1. Stop Light Running Britney (with fast Mercedes car)
2. Late Night Britney (with detachable Pink Wig!)
3. Court Hearing Britney (in back-stock, will ship late)
4. Shaved Head Britney (LIFELIKE!)

My favorite has to be British Britney, complete with paparazzi entourage, Rite-Aide bags and Marlboro Light 100’s! She’s sooo fancy, just watch.

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Winner of a Special Jury prize for “Best Ensemble Cast” at Sundance this year, Choke looks to be this Summers break out sleeper. Choke tells the story of a sex addict and colonial theme park worker, Victor Mancini, who has devised a complicated scam to pay for his mom’s hospital bills while she suffers from an Alzheimer’s disease that hides the truth about his childhood. He pretends to choke on food in a restaurant and the person who “saves” him will feel responsible for Victor for the rest of their lives. When he’s not pulling this stunt, Victor cruises sexual addiction recovery workshops for action, and succeeds.

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Turbo, from the old American Gladiators decided to share his thoughts on the new show. Here goes……

We were an elite group of highly trained combatants charged with the task of preventing contestants from collecting cash and prizes—and doing so with our very lives. We dominated the cable-televised arena, each grueling event a test of our strength, agility, and heart. The public feared and respected us. We had cool names and we were strong.

We were the American Gladiators. The real ones. Not like these shameless bastards.

This new breed of so-called gladiators has no class. They make a big spectacle of themselves, prancing around their “arena” as if they were actual gladiators. See, we never had to put on airs of greatness. There were no frills, no showiness, just gladiators tackling average Americans on national TV. That’s all.

continue reading "Back In My Day, Being An American Gladiator Actually Meant Something"

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Holy crap, what country is LA in? I mean, I was surprised enough at the billboards offering medicinal marijuana cards, but this is insane. Starting on Monday, people who have medical conditions such as glaucoma, cancer, and the deadly not-stoned-enough virus can start getting their fat buds from special “AVMs.”

These electronic drug dealers won’t be out on the street next to a Pepsi machine, of course. No, they’ll be “housed in standalone rooms, abutting two dispensaries and protected by round-the-clock security guards.” To use them, you’ll need to go with a prescription in hand, get fingerprinted and get a prepaid credit card that’s loaded up with your dosage and what strain of weed you want. Yeah, no joke, the pharmacists in LA give you a choice between OG Kush and Granddaddy Purple. In the future, the machines may also be outfitted to sell other popular drugs such as Viagra, Vicodin and Propecia. Combine all four for a really interesting night that’ll also slowly grow your hair back!

And here I was thinking New York City was a liberal town. When do we get weed vending machines, Bloomberg? Huh?

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Some things that VH1s Best Week Ever decided to share with us about their theroies behind “Cloverfield”.

1. If you wait til the end of the credits, you hear someone from the military reportedly yell “It’s still alive“, but if you wait even longer after the credits, you’ll see outtakes from “A Bug’s Life,” followed by scenes from the next “Matrix” movie. If you continue waiting, the movie will start again, and the monster will still be alive.

2. “Cloverfield” is an anagram for “Fidel C. Lover“, possibly implying that the monster was created by Cuba and may or may not have had a romantic relationship with Castro. It also translates to “Rove, Dic Fell“, meaning the monster may have represented the government’s revenge after Dick Cheney and Karl Rove left the White House (plus Rob is now a Vice President - HINT!). “Fire Del Clo” could refer to Del Close, the father of modern longform improv, meaning that the entire event was actually SCRIPTED. I won’t even get into the implications of what “Love Red Clif” means.

3. When the characters are in the military medical tent, you can clearly see Phil Leotardo’s cousin and the three gang members who were hired to kill Tony Soprano in Season One in the background. So I think he dies at the end.

4. During the going-away party, we distinctly hear songs by Spoon, Of Montreal, Scissors For Lefty, and Architecture In Helsinki, among others. This means that most likely, these characters actually live in Brooklyn, meaning the monster was somehow making them hallucinate Manhattan buildings the whole time. Or was the whole thing a hallucination??? Probably.

5. The entire movie takes place on an island and was released in theaters just one week before the season premiere of “Lost”, which is also produced by J.J. Abrams and also involves an island filled with multiple unexplained monsters. This may imply that J.J. Abrams is a producer of movies and television who loves to put random, unexplained monsters onto islands and have a bunch of people talk about it.

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